The Symphony of Life

Sometimes I feel as if I'm sleepwalking through my life.

Things are happening. I am very much a part of it, I'm present somewhere through all of it. But also, it’s like I'm watching it all happen.

Does that make sense? It’s almost like a movie, but like some very high-end VR simulator that's indistinguishable from real life.

I think I slide into this mode whenever there are too many difficulties or challenges that life puts in my path. Like most internal forces, this one, too, is protective in nature. When this protective force detects periods of turbulence in life, it springs into action and takes over the driving seat.

It’s like I’m watching the movie of my own life, in first person.

I’m sitting right behind the driver’s seat. Easy to mistake that “I” am driving.

But this protection turns into a distraction when it does not switch off on its own. And why should it switch off on its own? After all, who doesn't want to be handed a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate on cold nights or difficult days?

The inner protector is now smushing me with their love and care. After softening the blow of uncomfortable times and the associated uncomfortable feelings, it's now smothering me.

Like the mother of young pups, not allowing them to venture out far, lest they get lost or worse, they get hurt.

But just as that mother learns that in real life pups will get lost and they will get hurt, but they will also learn from those experiences and recover and become resilient and anti-fragile. So, too, must my inner protective forces learn to release me back into the discomfort or chaos that we so often find life placing on our footsteps.

After all, what is life, but periods of chaos and uncertainty, with fleeting moments of happiness and joy sprinkled all along?

I would argue, that's what makes life beautiful. Like a beautiful musical note. It's not beautiful if it's a single flat note stretched out to infinity. All the beauty comes from the variations - the highs, the lows, the recovery, the resonance.

Coming back to my sleep walking.

As if from underwater, I look up to the surface of the water and shout out loud,

“Wake up!"

"Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for keeping me safe and shielding me from the discomfort of chaos and uncertainty.

Now, I ask you to trust me. Trust in my ability to handle it. Trust in me to navigate and sometimes falter, but to learn from it and become stronger.

Trust in myself, to be fully awake, through the beautiful symphony called life."